I am very sad about something on these few days. Someone that I really admire has left.
I know everything has its reason, but I am still very sad. Everything changed overnight. Sometimes, you won’t appreciate someone when he/she is nearby you, and you feel the pain when you lost him or her.
It is not fair… extremely unfair. But what can we do about it?
I cried almost every time when I was driving or staying at home. I felt depressed about the loss and uncertainty. I miss the word “good to see you again” but I don’t know if I will see you again.
A few days ago when I heard the news, I kept thinking about it. When I was driving (and thinking), the ribbon of my shoes hooked on the brake pad in my car. I couldn’t move my leg. It was in the middle of highway! On my subconscious I changed my gear (forgot that I am driving an automatic car and not a manual car) & pull the hand brake. A lot of smoke comes out from my car and some cars were behind me. I thought I would die. Luckily I was fine… but how could I be so careless??
Things change fast and sometimes I couldn’t react smartly. I really hate this change, but perhaps it is not something that I can worry about. I don’t know. I just feel sad about it. I hope everything stays the same as per the last 18 months but it has changed overnight.
I got to move on. I know it will take a lot of time but I will do it.