“Leave or stay?” I asked myself over and over again.
I couldn’t make up my mind even though I have been living abroad for more than 3 years. I miss my home country Malaysia, at the same time I have fallen in love with New Zealand. I am constantly hesitating if I should go back home or stay at where I am now. Or, embark on a new journey again.
Every decision has its consequence. I knew very well that there is no perfect decision, so it is important to assess what is more important in my life. It is not merely the decision of leave or stay. It is the decision of:
Home vs Hope
No words can express how much I miss my family and friends. I can meet them every day only if I am staying at my home. We have the same culture and speak the same language. They are always ready for me whenever I need them.
But, I am enthusiastic to explore a new place. I am very passionate in my life, and I have dreams – I want to see the world. Since I went abroad, I have learned and experienced many important things in my life. The journey is still going on, and I hope it never ends.
Stability vs New Possibility
I love my home, because it is warm and will never reject me. One of my dreams is to have a simple lifestyle with the people I love. We will do a lot of things together, e.g. cooking, chatting, reading, outing, and so on. I feel happy whenever I think about this.
But if I leave, there will be endless possibilities in my life. There are many risks but also a lot of opportunities. I might be able to find a wonderful place and meet more amazing friends that I was looking forward to.
Loneliness vs Regret
I will not be lonely if I choose to stay at the most familiar place. I will be accompanied by my family and friends. Loneliness is terrible, and I do not ever want to experience again if possible.
But, things do move too fast. I am worried that I will be regret if I do not leave. The curiosity may kill me, but I would rather make a mistake now than to regret in later life. Well, at least I tried. 🙂
Love vs Freedom
The last but the most important decision: Love vs Freedom. I feel guilty if I left behind of someone I love. It is an ultimate happiness to have someone to cry for; and I do not want to lose them. Love is sometimes selfish and fragile, but it is the most beautiful thing in the world. No words can explain love.
Yet, I am reluctant to let go of my freedom. Once you have tried the sense of freedom, you may never want to stay again. I can travel to any place at any time, and stop when I feel so. There is no need to wait for anyone. I am free.
“Stay or Leave?” This is absolutely a tough question, and I still do not have an answer. There are too many considerations, and sometimes there is no turning back once the decision is made. I am not afraid if I have to start all over again, but I am worried that I will hurt anyone including myself unconsciously.