I have two names.
My name was Chui Yeng when I was living in my home country, Malaysia. In New Zealand, I introduced myself as “CY” (the initial capital letter of my first name) to everyone. It is because many non-Asian have a problem in recognising Chinese name. CY is easier to remember and pronounce, which I think is good for my career indirectly.
CY is my new identity. In New Zealand, no one knew me and no one judges me for who I was. Everything starts all over again. I can be whoever I wanted to be. Sounds cool isn’t it? I can be a bad girl and nobody would know or care XD haha, I actually quite enjoy this kind of feeling.
For me, CY and Chui Yeng are different person.
Chui Yeng was an obedient girl who was sheltered by family and friends. She always hangs around with friends until late night. She drives fast. She is not fear of anything because people will help her if she is in trouble. She always smiles for no reasons. She cares about small matters and she is sensitive. She is curious about the world.
CY is a very independent person. She needs to handle things by herself. She drives carefully because she knows that there is no one to offer help when she is in trouble. She cannot make any mistake, because everything that she received is uneasy. She needs to learn fast. She is stronger than you think of, because she has to. Sometimes she gives you a feeling that she doesn’t mind everything, perhaps it’s because she is lazy to explain and argue with anyone. She dares. She is secretly dreaming. And she is still curious about the world.
There were a few times that I ‘forced’ my friends to call me Chui Yeng, although I knew CY is easier for them. Perhaps, in the deep down of my heart I wish to be sheltered. Many people ask me if I prefer to be called CY or Chui Yeng. Actually, nowadays I don’t really mind what name to be called.
Chui Yeng… CY… It is still me. Regardless of who I wanted to be, I am still me. 🙂