Inspiration, My Journal Of Thoughts

Difficult Decision in My Life

I have been away from home for nearly 3 years. Looking at the photos of friends and reading their recent updates from Facebook, the old memories flashed into my mind. Three years ago I was part of them.

A lot of people said to me: “You are so lucky!” “I wish I am you!” “I want to live abroad too!” “I am sure that you are earning a lot more than us!” At the same time some people were seeking my advice: “How do you find a job in oversea?” “Can I do the same thing as you?

Well, there are always ‘give’ and ‘take’.

Most of the people only see one side of the stories, but do not realize the other side of it. Since I have decided to live in New Zealand, I have sacrificed something important.

Things are not always smooth during my days in New Zealand. Due to the language barrier and cultural difference, I need to pay double amount of effort to achieve the same thing done by other people. Because of I am living alone here and because of the nature of my job, no one helps me so that I have to be very independent. I can’t afford to make a mistake at work because it will have a serious consequence. I have no one to talk to when I am back at home. But the challenges at work is only one of the results of my decision.

I remember once he said “I will wait for you to come back after half a year”. I said “How about 2 years?” He went silent, that time I knew that he will not wait for me. I knew very well that nobody will wait. Changes are inevitable. This is one of the most important lessons that I have learned during this long journey, but it was never the last lesson.

It is not a bad thing because these things have made up of who I am now.

It is a miracle that I can go through all these! At the moment I made that decision, I knew that my life doesn’t make sense anymore. If my life is meant to be crazy, why do I bother to be serious? I have no regret, even if it means to let go of something.

Because, never try never know. I believe there is no reincarnation, so I will keep doing experiment in this life to fulfill my dreams.
Because, life is about learning. If I have never left my home, I will never have gone through all these.
Because, I am passionate about life. I hope to meet someone who will melt my heart, and find a place where I will never want to leave again.
Because, I have already made a very difficult decision in my life. What else can sway my determination?

I decide to follow my inner heart, even if it means that I will get nothing in the end.

It took me much courage to follow my heart, but it takes my life if I do not follow my heart.

Though, sometimes I am hoping for a haven for my soul. Isn’t it an ultimate happiness if I could rely on someone completely one day? 🙂 But I would rather be dependent on myself because, things move fast.

Making a decision to stay or leave is not easy – especially if you are doing it alone. I think it is very important to ask yourself what you really want in your life. It seems an obvious answer but it may not be. It is pointless to feel regret for something that has already happened, if we have made the choice. You can be hesitant before you made the choice, but once the choice is made, never ever look back for the same reason.


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