Inspiration, My Journal Of Thoughts

The perfect girl is gone

I was regarded as the good girl since I was a kid – disciplined, quiet and obedient.

But in my little heart, I was secretly envious of those ‘bad kids’. They were cool, fun and amazing. Sometimes, the downside of being a good girl is that, it was hard to find something unique about me.

Later, I graduated with an excellent result and worked for a big multinational company. I had a good job opportunity as compared to the people of the same age in my home country. At my work, my boss complimented me for being accurate and never made a mistake. Some of my friends told me that they were envious of my life.

Believe it not, being 100% accurate is actually not a compliment for me. I know it sounds ridiculous but this is true. Listen to me, please.

I never made mistakes, because I never really tried to do something beyond my ability.

For many times I have stepped back and hidden in my comfort zone at the critical moment. I am worried of doing something wrong, so I always take the safest approach each time when I need to make a choice. Coming to New Zealand alone is the craziest decision in my life so far, but I often do not have the similar courage.

When I was a child, I was very quiet and hoping no one will ever mention me in the class. I was afraid. I was not confident to be noticed. Even though I have worked for a few years, I am still afraid. I am worried that I am not doing a good job, so I checked my work repeatedly to stay perfect. I am scared of talking or doing too much, as I do not want to look stupid in front of others. Because, I am scared of falling or being rejected.

Always trying to be perfect is tiring, especially trying to please everyone.

I know very well that I am not perfect; it is not because I am not confident, it’s because I was trying too hard to be perfect… And it is even harder to keep myself perfect all the time.

I am too rational. For every decision that I made I think of the consequences, again and again. But unfortunately there is no such thing as the perfect decision; it is merely a decision that makes you look perfect.

Someone told me: “Be brave, and make mistakes while you are young.” I know the choice is mine. But when you made a choice, you have to forgo something. But I have decided that even so I am willing to make the sacrifice. I don’t want to be perfect anymore.

I appreciate the respect but it is not enough. I want to be loved.

For me, a hug is worth much more than a compliment.

I have a very sensitive heart, but this is not necessarily a bad thing because this is who I am. It takes me much courage to admit this, but I know I have to, to fulfil the dream of my life: to meet someone who truly loves me for being who I am, and to meet true friends.

I would rather take the pain and get hurt today, than being perfect but regret in the later of my life. Even if everyone is disappointed in me, I would be happy if I meet my soulmate. I hope someone tell me: “You don’t need to be perfect, and I still love you for who you are.” And of course, don’t just say it. Do it.

If, the imperfection bring happiness, what is bad about it even if it is wrong? Even if it may not bring happiness as I wanted, well, at least I tried. The perfect girl is gone, just like the song ‘Let It Go’. If you read her stories, please tell her your feeling. If you are by her side, please give her the full trust. And, if you have a mind on her, please accept her ignorance and imperfection. If you love her, please wait for her to come to your life.

 

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